At the counter, the older guy seated next to him gave a low
whistle. "That there is a
beautiful Merc. How many times have you rolled the odometer?"
"None." The Detective replied as he continued to make
lazy circles in his coffee. "It's been
in storage."
36
"Well, sure is a beaut. Although you're about three weeks
early for the car show."
"I'm not here for the show, I'm just looking for a.. new job and was merely sizing up the
locale."
The stranger raised an eyebrow, "You deal cards?"
"No," the Detective stated annoyed by the gabby nature
of the counter. "I'm a special
investigator."
"Ah, well, certainly are a lot of those here in Reno."
the man smiled. Unaware of the
amount of salt he happened to be rubbing into the Detective's
current wound.
"So I've noticed"
"Still," the man said, effecting a more sagely manner as
he scratched beneath his baseball
cap. "I think I know what you're going through."
"Oh really." The Detective stated flatly, not really caring.
"Yep." The man said with a sigh, and then leaned closer,
"You see, I used to be in the
protection racket meself. No, no the legitimate one that seems to
require funny long-johns.
Used to be known as 'Flashpaper' seeing how I've got this talent
for making paper and fabric
explode. I'd charge up a wadded up ball of cloth and toss it at
the bad guys and BOOM!"
"you don't say", the Detective said in a tone that dropped the
temperature by four degrees.
"Yep, It was a kick for a while, but eventually I just got
old. Still, I managed to wrangle a
few good book deals. Enough for me to get that RV out there. Came
out here a few years
ago to try my hand in the Casinos."
"uh-huh"
"Went pretty well, too." The man beamed, "made me
some right good cash at it too." His
expression dropped, "well, 'til I got that royal flush and
the cards exploded." He frowned at
his coffee for a few enjoyable heartbeats of silence. Then he
slipped a hand back beneath
his cap and scratched. "I suppose that's probably the reason
they don't let metas into the
casino anymore."
The Detective groaned as yet another opportunity rocketed out of
his reach.
The man suddenly became very serious. "But that's when I
found me some religion."
Myron let his head slowly descend to the counter top.
"You see my friend, I can't begin to describe what kind of
joy has entered my soul once I
37
found my path and let Odin into my life. You ok buddy?"
Myron stopped slowly beating his head against the counter.
"I'm fine."
"Though I kinda wish I'd found my way using a religion that
didn't involve quite so much
sacrifice. You have any idea how hard it is to find a virgin goat
around here?"
The waitress finally arrived with the Detective's meal. He looked
at it in a combination of
eagerness and disappointment. The eagerness was from the fact that
he hadn't eaten since
yesterday. The disappointment was because he now had no excuse to
run from his
countermate.
"Still, there are a few things I've learned from following a
pantheon of mostly
unpronounceable deities, and the most important thing is that if
you go it alone, you wind
up stuck under some big tree with Iggy's dredel with a bunch of
angry Bothans." He paused,
"Ain't those the guys from Star Wars? From the way that the
picture book showed them,
they were really big."
The older man thought about pausing, then thought better of it.
Myron tried to drown him
out by chewing on the louder parts of his hamburger.
"Well, anyway, when those guys actually stuck together,
that's when things really worked.
They were a team and things went alright when they acted like one.
Really makes me wish
I'd stuck with my old team instead of striking out on my own, I
suppose I might have..."
A woman, that could only be described as.. aarrwaarrrgghahhhwww
straightened her leather
bodice as she walked out of the bathrooms. Her long, braided
blonde hair swung down and
brushed the top of her steel rimmed boots. She brushed a few bits
of dust from her taut
skirt, as she spoke something in what Myron presumed was Swedish.
"And that would be the other thing I've learned. Ancient
daughters of
guys who are into Nordic Mythology."
Myron swallowed, slowly.
"Ya, know Lovisa, I really wish you wouldn't wear that outfit
when we're traveling."
"Flash, you know that the evil in men's hearts can strike at
any hour.", the valkyre said
calmly as she towered above her husband.
He flipped a few dollars onto the counter and slid off his stool.
"I know, I know, it's just
that, sometimes I get tired of being asked where 'Hooters'
is."
Lovisa struck a defensive stance that only served to remove any
further oxygen from the
male portion of the diner. "Owls? Does Hel send her
tidings!?"
38
Flashpaper simply sighed heavily and slipped his arm up under
hers. "C'mon darling. Let's
get back on the road again." He paused at the door.
"Hey, buddy", he called back to Myron,
"remember what I said. 'Sometimes being a team is better than
being alone'."
And with that, the two departed.
It was still a good three minutes after the RV was lost from sight
that anyone in the diner
moved again.
"Bob Honey?" Avie called back, "What are you
doing?"
Bob quickly put away the polished chrome helmet and black cape
that he planned on
wearing on graduation day. "Nothing. I was just looking at
something."
"Oh, Bob, you're still not bothered by what that stupid Dean
said, are you?"
"No", Bob lied. Avey didn't buy it either.
"Bob, look, I know it's been a dream of yours, but you're
doing great. In fact didn't you just
get a huge bonus for the last ad campaign?"
"The one for Altroids, The Curiously Strong Suppository?
Yeah. I suppose." Bob shrugged.
Being in marketing was almost as good, and he could use all of the
skills he had learned,
but there was still something missing.
Avie put her hand under Bob's chin and turned his head to look at
him. "You know, Bob,
you've never told me why you wanted to be a chaos advocate."
"Well," Bob began, "it's more keeping up the family
traditions more than anything. Mom
was a lobbyist and Dad sold used cars. So, it's always been
something our family has done.
We'd get together on weekends and play Risk, bake cookies and plot
how to overthrow the
PTA."
"Yes, I know. But why do you want to do it?"
Bob sat and thought. In all honesty, he wasn't really sure
himself. There were hundreds of
reasons he despised the current system, with vigilante 'heroes'
riding roughshod over
whomever they disagreed with and a kangaroo justice system that
required strict evidence,
except where 'heroes' were concerned. In that case, criminals
received harsh sentences with
only a sarcastic note pinned to them. Most never met or had the
opportunity to crossexamine
their 'captors'.
But even that was because of research he'd done after deciding to
become a super villain.
Heck, he was even the one instrumental in setting up the DeVry
institute, even though he
39
did his best to ensure that most of the staff remained unaware of
that fact.
Bob had never met his grandfather, and his father had never spoken
of him. The family
simply kept the old truck out in the garage, their silent
recognition that the man even
existed. Bob had begun tinkering on the truck when he turned 18
and had pretty much
inherited it solely because no one else wanted it or could stand
getting rid of it. Still, for all
the discomfort everyone else in his family may have had toward the
truck, Bob loved it, and
he always seemed to get his best ideas after spending some time in
it.
"I'm not really sure. I guess I probably just need to think
things over. If you don't mind, I'm
going to go out to the garage for a while."
"No. But if your going to start playing with that damn
rolling deathtrap of yours, can you
make sure you wash your hands before you come back in the
house?"
"Not a problem. I was just going to try seeing if I could get
the radio working again
anyway." He gave Avey a kiss and headed toward the garage,
figuring a good bit of
tinkering might be just the distraction he'd be looking for.
Fred? The demon's name is 'Fred'?
What got Becky Sue's attention, and
will Chris go rogue?
Why the heck isn't there
any artwork for Lovis?
Tune in next time for:
Evil
Herbs
or
Devil
of a Thyme
40
Chapter 49
Devil of a Thyme
Design is more than simply splashing around paint, it's finding
those special highlights and
features you can really work with. Fred drifted through the
streets of Boise surveying his
new canvas. He loved he grid of streets forced upon the rolling
hills. He giggled at the futile
attempt to bring order to the beautiful chaos. He enjoyed that.
But it still needed... something... The screaming pedestrians were
a nice start though...
As was the big pit filled with... oooh! That was it. That was the
bit of inspiration he was
looking for. Fred did a lazy pirouette in mid air as the glee
slowly spread through the dusty
corners of his creative psyche. He placed a taloned hand to his
chin and thought for a few
seconds, then with a casual wave of his other hand it began.
There wasn't much at first, simply a low gurgling noise. If one
had not been distracted by
the vision of hell floating above the restoration site, one
possibly may have noticed the tiny
bubbles percolating to through the ground as the water table began
to rise. Eventually these
gave way to gentle spurts of gray mud. Then not so gentle spurts.
Within minutes torrents of thick grey clay rose, smoothing into a
round, level area. Fred
danced and wove along the edge, running his hands through the
thick goo. Next to the pool
the earth split yet again and steam vented forth. Even in the
setting sun, the steady red glow
of magma grew stronger as it crept to the surface. Yet more
terrified shrieks filled the air as
the residents panicked, but the magma stayed just below the round
clay pit. Within minutes
the edges of the pool turned a shade of white
Zrng's newly implanted voice translator was getting a very
thorough workout.
Unfortunately, the greater bulk of the phrases it was attempting
to translate were far beyond
it's normal vocabulary. It made a valiant attempt, none the less.
"Ornaments of animals that have both sexual and sacred
significance." The translator
squawked as the short green alien scrambled from behind a wall
disintergrating from a
blast. Right behind Zrng was the Badger, his nails slicing through
the steel trash container
Zrng had tried to roll at him. "Ultimate displays of
affection toward one's maternal unit"
Zrng had dove around a corner when an arm snagged around his and
pulled him into a
doorway. Confused, Zrng looked in terror toward where Roger was
pointing, "In there, and
breath through your mouth" Roger commanded.
Zrng although not quite in full panic, realized that this option
was probably better than the
one he may have thought of in the next few seconds, so he
scrambled toward the door.
Roger looked down and winked at something before he too raced
through the dark
41
passageway.
Seconds later the Badger's nails carved through the door. He
kicked it in and sniffed the air,
looking for Zrng's trail. Instead he found the air was heavy with
freshly sprayed musk from
the skunk that scampered over the door shards.
Zrng's audio translators had no problem deciphering the invectives
that the Badger was now
hollering. He still had no interest in sticking around to appreciate
them. The alien pushed
through a door and emerged into a parking garage.
"The others should be here any minute." Roger said as he
ran in behind Zrng.
"Others?" Zrng said nervously.
"Becky Sue and Karl." Roger said in a reassuring manner.
"Do you know why they're after
you?"
"Why? Spiritual Representative! I don't even know who they
are!"
"According to JB, they're a group called the Y-Guys. They're
a group of rogues, but I don't
know what you did to get their attention."
"ME!? Nothing!" Zrng said earnestly.
Karl skidded to a stop beside the two, followed by a significantly
more out of breath Becky
Sue. Karl continued the conversation while Becky Sue caught her
breath. "Well it's not like
we know what you've been up to."
Zrng looked confused for a few seconds… "How.. did all of you
know I was being.."
Roger spoke first, looking a bit sheepish, "I was worried
about you so I've been following
you to make sure you stayed safe. When the Y-Guys appeared, JB
told Karl and Becky Sue
that you needed help."
"It's.. like… havin'.. a.. marconi.. in.. yer.. head.."
Becky Sue finally gasped out. "You
know.. Karl.. a lady.. could use.. a lift.. from time t'
time."
The garage door exploded from one of Biclop's blasts. The Badger
and Mentra took their
positions. "Citizens!"e; Mentra commanded,
"e;Be aware that individual is not a
human being, and is in fact..", she paused for dramatic
effect, "an alien."
"And?" Becky Sue replied snidely. It wasn't the reaction
that Mentra had hoped for, but she
tried not to show it.
Mentra continued, "he is in possession of a device that
cannot be allowed to fall into the
wrong hands."
42
"Ah, so we should just let have him hand it over to a bunch
of weirdos with bad fashion
sense and little respect for doors?"
The Badger growled, "Enough talking." He leapt toward
Zrng. He stopped in mid arc as as
Karl's hand grabbed hold of his belt. The Badger sliced his
fingers toward Karl in a deadly
swipe. Karl's reflexes easily dodged the swipe. The Badger growled
angrily. Karl scowled
and looked toward the shredded remains of his suit jacket.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a jacket that
fits?" Karl's calm voice belied his
growing annoyance. Moment's later, the Badger's newly unconscious
body slid from the
Badger shaped crater in the garage wall. Apparently, Karl had a
rather difficult time finding
a jacket.
"Get Zrng out of here!" Becky Sue found herself yelling.
Startled, she turned and tried to
move Zrng, but her muscles wouldn't respond. She watched as her
arms and legs suddenly
jerked to life and grabbed Zrng. She heard JB, 'You're being
blocked by Mentra. I'll take-'
and suddenly she was in control again. She took a few more steps
before jerking and JB
once again taking control.
Roger watched Becky's unusual gait and spotted Mentra's obvious
struggle with something
she couldn't quite understand.
Fred hovered for a moment inspecting his work. Getting the silver
vein was difficult, but
oddly getting the crystal was surprisingly easy. Granted he had no
idea where he could get
several thousand square yards of linen. But there it was, a full
twelve-piece place setting of
truly gargantuan size. Now, for the butter dish.
The crowd gathering around wasn't quite sure what to make of the
affair. Some were
horrified by the vision of a leathery beast of nightmares bending
the forces of nature to his
whim, the other half were taking notes to see if they could get
that pattern. Well, change the
pattern of agonized souls that ringed the dish to fruit or
something.. but it was very inspired.
There was one figure that continued to stare at Fred, calculating
his move. He took a heavy
breath, rummaged through his coat and pulled out a ball of light
beige..
He paused as Zrng ran by at full throttle, followed by Roger. He
looked toward the hovering
demon, then back toward the retreating figures then toward where
they came from.
"YOU!!" The Badger yelled as his nails grew several
inches longer.
Fred's jaw hung open, his body quivering as he struggled to find
words. In the countless
millennia he had existed, never before had this happened. Never
had anything, anyone ever
done something so.. so unspeakable.
43
He simply stared down to the large, imperfect splotch of gray that
completely ruined his
flawless china dish. The one he had worked so hard at, now some
puny, insignificant,
mortal being dared tarnish his pristine art?
Fred's eyes flashed to white as the muscles along his back rippled
and tensed. Unholy curses
from a thousand dead languages fought for dominance.
Chris tried to gain his footing among the cracking fissures of the
still hardening porcelain,
grateful that he had somehow managed to evade The Badger's talons.
He hadn't counted on
the thin shell to be quite so thin, nor as he discovered the clay
inside to be quite as warm.
Chris danced trying to find parts that weren't sinking into the
steaming mass.
He heard the inhuman bellow moments before he felt the crushing
blow from Fred's
enraged fist.
With a heavy clang, Chris ricocheted off of the building just
inches away from Karl. Karl
turned to see the enraged demon flare out its wings and alter its
course to follow Chris. Karl
built up speed and in a feat worthy of Jackie Chan, bounced
himself upwards between two
buildings and directly into the path of the rebounding Grayhound.
"Chris, are you ok?" Karl/JB asked.
Chris moaned, blinked and replied "Red.. FlexFrame, I
think... Headed South... Really mad
driver..."
Karl landed on a roof and leapt again, "He's outclassed, JB.
I need to take on that thing.
Grayhound, you'll need to help get Zrng away from the Y
Guys."
Chris snapped back to himself.. albeit painfully.. when he heard
that. "Go, take on the bus..
err.. demon, I can take care of the Y-Guys."
Karl raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"
"I beat them once." Chris stated flatly then jogged to
the roof's edge. He spotted the running
figures dressed in matching black pleather and fired off his
guy-line. Karl turned to face the
enraged creature from Hell.
Hours later, Karl slumped hard into a chair. His hardened armor
like skin was bruised, his
previously perfectly coiffed hair was decidedly less so. And his
jacket was now nothing
more than a very expensive, highly tailored bracelet that fell off
his wrist when he tried to
examine it. He let his head slump back against the cushion and
closed his eyes.
Roger walked over meekly. "Can.. Can I get you anything, uhm,
Karl?"
44
Karl kept his eyes closed. "You could have saved me a lot of
effort, you know."
"A nice cold compress maybe? Actually, I think I might be
able to rustle up some camphor
and menthol, that ought to help with some of the pain.."
"Three hours. Three hours throwing buildings, cars and
everything else at each other, and
then you walk up."
"I'm guessing you probably could use a nice snack too. I'll
see if I can find something.."
Karl mimed Roger's actions as he held aloft a hand, slapped the
air above him and, in a fair
duplication of Roger's voice, he impertinently said,
"Meanie!"
"Well, I mean he was. I know that he probably worked hard on
that whole thing but there
was no reason to go off like a rutting wolverine."
Karl cracked an eye and stared at Roger. Roger simply fell silent,
and nervously smiled
back.
Karl closed his eye again, "I've got to remember that next
time. It might just come in
handy."
There was no need to ask where Zrng was or if he was safe. JB
relayed that Becky Sue and
he had managed to evade the Y Guys and were headed back to the
loft in short order.
"The Y Guys." Karl though aloud, "looks like Chris
managed to keep them distracted." He
raised his head as the thought occurred to him. "Say, where
is Chris anyway?"
Chris staggered and limped down the street. He was certain that he
not only hurt in new
locations but in several different continents. Chris now
understood what the Woman from
the Department of Superheroes meant about rogues. They fight
beyond dirty.
Chris knew the value of fighting dirty, and had frequently
practiced it himself. He had been
trained by life not to hold back, to make sure that your opponent
is not only no longer a
threat, but no longer even considering any future actions against
you.
This time, he had been on the receiving end of that treatment. It
wasn't pretty.
In addition, nothing seemed to work out for him. It was as if his
lucky streak had ended. He
had run out of gadgets and gizmos to save his bacon. He barely
managed to dodge the more
fatal blasts and blows. He had, quite literally, been outclassed
and out maneuvered at every
turn.
He had no idea how he managed to finally escape, but somehow, some
faint remnant of his
good fortune managed to linger long enough to provide him a way
out of the mess he was
45
in.
He pulled his keys out and unlocked the door.
"Uhm Excuse me!" a polite, yet very annoyed voice
beckoned his attention. Chris let his
head thud against the door, then turned to look at the source of
the interjection.
There, looking far worse for the several weeks of wear, stood the
Pitfall Perpetrator. The
stiffness having long since abandoned the twin lightning-bolts
that he wore on his helmet.
"I'll have you know, I've been waiting out here politely for
nearly a month now", The Perp
stated in a voice that quivered with rage, "An entire month!
You said that you had a few
things to take care of and you'd be back down so we could do
battle."
Chris blinked slowly at the Perp, his tired mind barely able to
follow the discussion.
"Well, now I think I've waited quite long enough, so I 'm
calling you out."
Chris moaned. "Look, I'm sorry, I've just been really busy.
Let me go get a quick show--
AAAH!"
Literally, out of nowhere, Chris stood facing three alligators
who's mouths crunched down
in vicious synchronicity.
"Face My Evil Wrath!" The Perp cried out. Chris
continued to stare at the cackling villain
and the mechanical creatures he controlled.
"Look, I'm sorry, but I'm really tired. Can't we do this some
other time?" Chris stated flatly,
oblivious to the menace that he now faced.
The Pitfall Perpetrator stopped laughing. "What? No! My creatures
are unstoppable!" he
shouted angrily.
Chris sighed with the weight of a day gone horribly wrong, knowing
full well that having
alligators on the sidewalk, mechanical or not, would probably be a
violation of the city
safety regulations, and that somehow he'd be responsible for them.
He watched the beasts
mouths snap shut then quickly hopped across the backs of all
three.
The Perp was crestfallen as the creatures blipped out of
existence.
Chris suddenly felt a wave of empathy and walked over to the
stunned villain. "Look, I'm
sorry, but I used to play Pitfall all the time. Heh, if I was
feeling better, I'd have probably
gone over them from the other side since you can pick up more
stuff that way. Oh, now,
don't cry. Look, you've got a good theme going. You just need some
work. Tell you what, I
don't normally do this, but can I offer you a suggestion? Have you
thought about joining the
46